{"id":578,"date":"2024-03-04T20:28:56","date_gmt":"2024-03-04T19:28:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.susandiab.com\/?p=578"},"modified":"2024-09-10T17:53:49","modified_gmt":"2024-09-10T16:53:49","slug":"0314-am-awake-too-early","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.susandiab.com\/?p=578","title":{"rendered":"03:14 am awake too early"},"content":{"rendered":"

I think of this reply to K, which I could have sent her yesterday.<\/p>\n

She asked for an explanation of a sculpture I had sent her an image of, \u2018Motherboard\u2019.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>I sent it to her on the train coming back from Oxford because we had been exchanging messages about our Mothers. I feel sad that the image of the sculpture has not worked for her. She has only seen a two centimetre rendition of it on the screen of her phone. Whether she zoomed in or not, I don\u2019t know, whether she noticed the reflection of me, in the mirrored surface of it, taking a photo of it, I can\u2019t know either. I told her that it was about my relationship with my Mum. Her reply is: \u201cLooks like a heart. Other than that you might have to explain it to me.\u201d That the work needs an explanation makes me sad.<\/p>\n

I wake up just now thinking about the explanation of physical works that need to be experienced in the flesh, viewer-to-sculpture, sculpture-to-viewer and about how the explaining of them in words is inadequate. That translation that takes place that is not only inadequate but impossible and which is also a betrayal into Logos, the tongue of the Patriarchy.<\/p>\n

Interesting, as I type that, now, how I notice how dangerous that feels for me, towards myself, to write that, in language, that fear of the power of the Patriarchy. This is one reason I needed the safety of the password to protect this space as I was initially keeping this blog. Now, editing it for making it public, I feel bolder. What the hell.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t reply to K. I had already told her that my phone battery was about to run out and that there were no charging points on the train, which was true. So I let it hang. Much like the sculpture hung, on a wall, after I had made it, two metres high for others to make of it what they would, given that it was on show in the past and then became a photographic image of itself, on a screen, pinging backwards and forwards. It\u2019s also an image I use on my business cards. \u2018Motherboard\u2019 on a piece of card, ten by four centimetres big alongside my name and contact details.<\/p>\n

So I think of this reply now, at 3am when I wake in the middle of the night, to send to her:<\/p>\n

\u201cThe day after surgery, an anxious spouse asks the surgeon how the procedure on her husband had gone. He replies: \u201cWe won\u2019t know if it has worked until you and I sit down together and I explain to you what I did.\u201d I don\u2019t understand this yet but I feel it is approaching some kind of relevance.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I think of this reply to K, which I could have sent her yesterday. She asked for an explanation of a sculpture I had sent her an image of, \u2018Motherboard\u2019. I sent it to her on the train coming back from Oxford because we had been exchanging messages about our Mothers. I feel sad that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.susandiab.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/578"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.susandiab.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.susandiab.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.susandiab.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.susandiab.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=578"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.susandiab.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/578\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":893,"href":"https:\/\/www.susandiab.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/578\/revisions\/893"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.susandiab.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=578"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.susandiab.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=578"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.susandiab.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=578"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}